O, R they?

Alright, I've been tagged. I wouldn't normally do this, but I'll punch a baby in the face before I turn down a challenge.* Here are some (different people who have done if have anywhere from 5-15 quotes, so I'll pick as many as I feel like**) quotes from some of my favorite movies, or movies I quote the most. If you guess them correctly, you win my respect or a pony. Choose wisely.

1. Hey! Dancin' boy!

2. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.

3. So there's that. I guess I have that.

4. The phone! The phone! Where's the fucking PHONE?!

5. I've had a rough year, Dad.

6. After my divorce from Luther I scraped by with baby-sitting gigs and odd jobs - mostly the jobs we call blow.

In turn, I'm tagging these people: Scollins, Katie Cheek, Evan Pohl and Tim Dunn.


*Probably not true. Unless a baby challenges me, in which case it's on, baby.
**Bonus quote in the title! Aaagh!

I made a mistake today

That was it. I can't imagine why someone would buy this in the first place, there's nothing appetizing about something flavored like shrimp that you can buy with cigarettes and a lotto ticket. Sure, I tried a couple, but didn't pay money for it. I was curious and someone had left them up for grabs in the office kitchen. Now all I want to do is find out who bought this garbage so I can judge their poor money management. I'm going to go throw up, brb.

My dog Finn is an adorable asshole

So, the pants that I'm wearing... I think my dog peed on them. I'm actually sure of it, because my pants smell like dog pee and I didn't put it there (...Evan? Anything to confess?). I inconveniently noticed this shortly after I got to work, so have been spending the day distancing myself from my coworkers and doctoring a photo of the little rascal. I know I won't have the heart to scold him when I get home because he will have forgotten and I am a sucker for a pretty face. Again I find myself a pushover for an adorable asshole.

This is delightful

It's sad and sweet and funny and reminds me of Amelie. I can't get enough of it.

He needs his glasses!

Hi! Remember me? I've been busy/lazy and haven't posted here in ages, but I promise to have more drunken stories and thoughts about cats coming at you soon. Boom!

I shot a bunch of videos for a web series with some improv friends, so check them out! The writers and actors are almost completely UCB performers and students, so you might recognize a familiar face or two. Mine, at least. Check it out!

http://www.onthefourthfloor.com

I'm in episodes 3 & 6, with more to come out soon. Here's my stuff:

I hate my body

I went out last night for a friend's birthday party in the Bronx and was forced to have fun and drink too much. Here is what happened when started the journey home around 3am:

• I fall asleep very briefly on the bench waiting for the train.
• I stumble onto the train and proceed to fall asleep again.
• I wake up as the train is approaching 181st because the train is stopping/a homeless man is yelling something at me. I have no idea what he's saying, but am alarmed to be at 181st because I am used to travelling north and think that I have missed my stop. I hate myself.
• I bolt off the train and stumble toward the elevator, thinking I'll just take a cab home because I saved so much money by being given a thousand free drinks.
• I realize that I was travelling in the correct direction and should have stayed on the train and that it's 3:30 and that I hate myself more.
• I get in the elevator with the same homeless man who proceeds to mumble at me and hound me for change. Even if I had some, I don't know if I could be coordinated enough to look for it.
• I leave the station and start walking north on Amsterdam. I have no fucking clue where I am or how to get to Broadway, which is where I assume I'll find a cab or another subway station. I also don't realize that the numbers are getting larger when they should be getting smaller. I consider taking a standing catnap against a wall.
• I finally get a gypsy cab to pick me up (after turning down a large white van that offered me a ride) and start insisting that he's going the wrong way, which he isn't.
• I get home! I wash my face and fall into bed! I also make sure my alarm is set because I am a responsible adult and have to be up in 3.5 hours.
• I wake up 10 minutes before I should be leaving the apartment.
• I throw on the first outfit that hits my hand when I reach for my floor and make it to work only 15 minutes late.
• At 11:50am, my body is just now considering not being drunk anymore. So far it hasn't come to a conclusion. Except that it hates me.

The internet is a treasure

God bless it.