I want to be an old woman when I grow up. This one.

This. Is. Awesome.

"Wife, 65, fought lion with log"
• 70-year-old man sent to another hospital for additional surgery
• He was ambushed by female mountain lion Wednesday at state park
• Victim's wife smashed cat in the snout, stabbed it with pen to fend it off
• Hospital spokesman: Infection is doctors' biggest concern

An old man and his wife were hiking through the California redwoods when a mountain lion attacked the man: mauling his face, scalping him and ripping off parts of his lips. So his old woman wife apparently smashed the lion in the face with a log and stabbed it with a pen.

Smashed a lion in the face! Stabbed it with a pen! It's just like the movie "Red Eye", starring Rachel "mean girl" McAdams, Cillian "hot Irishman" Murphy and Brian "I'm actually James Lipton" Cox. *Spoiler alert* (though it came out a year and a half ago, you need to see this already) There's a sweet scene where she stabs him in the neck with a pen just as the plane is landing. I don't remember all the specific details after that, but I think there's some sort of high speed chase or something... maybe they just arrest him at the airport? I can't remember. But I know she hurries home and makes sure her dad is safe. Then as soon as she thinks everything is in the clear, Cillian (who knows how he got there) jumps through the window or something, yelling at her through the hole in his neck and she has to shoot him in the face. It's fantastic.

So anyway, I guess my point in all this is directed at the hospital spokesman and the 65 year old bad ass lady. Listen, you have bigger concerns to worry about than infection. Go shoot that lion in the face already, because he and his punctured trachea are not through with you.